Additional Resources

When you're interested in reading to learn more, it's best to look for books based on scientific evidence and authored by acknowledged experts in their field.

For research based relationship advice, What Makes Love Last by Dr John Gottman is highly regarded for a reason. Gottman, director of the 'Gottman Institute' in Seattle, has studied hundreds of couples in his 'Love Lab'. He and his team of psychologists have reached the point where they can predict within 91% accuracy which couples will eventually divorce by observing just five initial minutes of a disagreement.

Gottman shares the four signs (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling or emotional withdrawal) that flag a troubled relationship and teaches you how to become adept at spotting early danger signs, which are not always what you might expect. He uses many real life examples such as 'Rory' the paediatrician who didn't even know the name of the family dog because he spent so much time at work!

"Stop struggling, reconcile differences and strengthen your relationship with acceptance and commitment therapy", is the promise of ACT with Love by Dr Russ Harris, author of a number of clear easy to understand books on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which help you cultivate vitality and well-being through mindfulness and values guided actions.

Books such as Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steve Hayes PhD, The Worry Cure by Dr Robert Leahy and The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne PhD provide helpful strategies for anxiety. Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for example, marries elements of twelve step programs and Buddhism combined with other disciplines in a new and revolutionary way. The result is a comprehensive map toward a life you can love without trying to "fix" yourself.

Lastly, some Tools and Tips for personal well-being...

Tools and Tips

Sometimes it's the simple ideas that are most helpful. There are many things you can do to improve your personal well-being. Here is a small collection of easy to do tips that work.

Physical

Many people treat their bodies as if they were a car rental - something they are using to get around in but nothing they genuinely care about understanding. Instead show gratitude for the incredible vehicle you live in. Good fuel in the form of simple nutritious food, lots of water, sound sleep and staying active make a real difference to your energy. If your physical needs are not met properly, you won't feel right emotionally.

Behavioural

Most people procrastinate. Before you can stop procrastinating, it helps to figure out why you're doing it. It's usually some version of perfectionism or fear. Putting off that big project? Do something small toward your goal each day. Scheduling just 20 minutes on a project makes it manageable.

Emotional

When feeling stressed, give yourself some quiet time to write your thoughts about your goals, values or concerns. If something negative comes to mind, which it will, write it all down. This process of getting thoughts out of your head and onto the page is enormously freeing. Make a regular habit of mind/body practices such as breathing meditation or yoga to reduce your emotional reactivity and increase awareness of the now.

Spiritual

Open yourself to mystery. Exercise your imagination and stay in touch with the child within. Playfulness and humour can be great stress buffers. Positive psychology suggests the key ingredients of happiness are pleasure, engagement and meaning, with the last two being the most important. Pleasure is self-explanatory. Engagement means feeling deeply involved in a task or pursuit, and meaning is attained by using your personal strengths for a larger purpose. Spirituality and meaning make intimate dance partners.

Social

Invest in the relationships that are truly important to you and that you know will be with you for the long haul. Practise active listening which means really paying attention to what someone is saying. It requires you to listen with an open mind uncluttered by inner dialogue. Concentrate on understanding what the other person is saying, not on phrasing your response.

Intellectual

As well as learning something new, try doing something creative for five minutes every day. Draw a quick picture with coloured pencils just for fun or write a short poem. Even the smallest burst of creativity may inspire you.